Gérard Schlosser (French, b. 1931), La fenêtre de derrière [The back window], 1986. Acrylic on canvas, 162 x 130 cm.
Imogen Cunningham, Magnolia Blossom, 1925
Gérard Schlosser (French, b. 1931), La fenêtre de derrière [The back window], 1986. Acrylic on canvas, 162 x 130 cm.
I haven’t been on here is so long
My life has changed incredibly in that time. I have lost the dreaminess of my younger years, it’s true,
But I have gained a profound patience and peace with myself
My struggles now are societal, and in return I have become critical.
There is a tender love I carry with me now. More profound a love than any I have felt before and that is for my daughter.
I am a good mother.
And in many ways that keeps me humble, and young, and connected to my former self, my inner child.
Now I carry another. She pushes inside me as I write this, probably demanding breakfast. And I love her too although I find it hard to imagine opening more for her.
I never knew I wanted this, in my angst I labeled parenting as “too normal.” When really, parenthood has saved my self from reveling in my youth far beyond its expiration date. I entered my 30s with grace and a pride that I could truly leave my 20s behind me.
Those messy, lost years of being groundless.
And now I look to the future of my girls and my husband and the world we get to build together.
The safe space we can give each other when the rest of the world comes crashing in on us.
romancing myself
as the temperature cools but remains tropical
my body and mind are ruled by the present
and i lack the patience to stress the future
and i lack the fucks to stress the past
so dance with me darling or say goodbye
dance with me darling
or you might just make me cry.